I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
