i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Send help, water and tortillas.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
