Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
