I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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