even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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