MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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