No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
