I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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