Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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