That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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