Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
