omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
