in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
