I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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