I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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