He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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