how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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