I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
