my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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