I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
