I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
