Your mouth is God's brothel.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
