I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
foreskin is a definite game changer
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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