that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
