just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
