After last night, I could never be a politician.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize