i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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