We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
