I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
