It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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