It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
