apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
