My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
