Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
