It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
