Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
