when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
