ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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