Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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