i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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