Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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