It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
