listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
