He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize