next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
