True but thats because hes a fetus.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I need to stop coming to work sober
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You made out with two different species that night
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
