I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
