Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
