Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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