It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
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