he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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