I want to stick my p in your. b.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
