we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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