By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
