We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize