I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
