They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Randomize
