the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
