hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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