i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
