I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
