Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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