This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
