Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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